A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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