Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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