so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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