I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
