I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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