It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
