Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
