My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
