Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
