based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
