I will die if light touches me.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
