..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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