What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize