forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she told me i tasted like america
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
