I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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