I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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