Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
