So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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