So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
