Little spoons don't ask big questions
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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