Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
