I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize