Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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