no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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