he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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