I wannas sexs uuuuu
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
