Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
