That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
