He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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