theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
