You work out of a Hotel?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
