if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
