if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
