Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
