I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
