I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
