R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
