You made me cry and you don't even care
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
