Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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