4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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