I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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