Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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