You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
