every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
