take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
