i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
