They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
