a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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