I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
