think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
porn star boner night. come get it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
