What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
