Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
