end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
