I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
