she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
