you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
