you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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