Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
