he puts the penis in happiness.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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