I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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