My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
