Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
