So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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