she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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