His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
