Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
NoShamevember. You game?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize