if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
