So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Im part way to drunk.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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